stop telling me there is other fish in the sea

About a year ago, I went through a pretty personal event that reconstructed my heart. My perspective on life & relationships & growing up & friendships & self-love transformed. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, it takes a little bit longer for those reasons to be made transparent, but there is always a reason. As they say, when life throws you lemons, as in something really sour, it’s all about what you make with it. So why not make a lil lemonade? During this time, I actually started writing a piece about something that kept reoccurring. A simple statement that many people kept repeating over & over & over again. So here it is: Stop telling me there’s other Fish in the Sea.

My boyfriend of 7 months & best friend of 2 ½ years and I recently split up. I was devastated. My person who I entrusted my deepest secrets and my greatest struggles with, my mid afternoon pick me up, was no longer mine. Heart broken, I turned to people who I loved for comfort. Among all of the encouraging advice was one common phrase, “don’t worry, you could get any fish in the sea that you want.” Excuse me? What does that even mean? Sad and confused this was the last thing I wanted to hear. In a day and age of dating apps, the party scene and the undenying need for love, of course my easiest solution would be to find a “new fish.” But no, there is something to be said for this time to just to be me.

I’ve always been a very big advocate for loving yourself first & not getting lost while in love with someone else. Honestly, I’ve always believed that I was that person. I didn’t want to become lost in someone else; I didn’t want to be known for that. I wanted to be Sarah first and known as Sarah first. Inevitably though, it happens. When you confine yourself so strongly within someone, its hard not to be consumed. Even when our entire relationship was built on taking time for ourselves first, we both still ended up compromising. I lost sight of myself in the depths of someone else. I regret nothing. There is something very delicate in loving someone and being vulnerable to them. It is special and rare.   But this is a time for me, to learn and love myself more.  

I think that there is this subconscious pressure from society to find happiness romantically in another person. That’s all we see on social media. How happy people are with their significant other. It’s defined in our culture to consistently be searching for “the one.” But let me tell you, I was not a happy camper to be told that it was okay because I could always just find another fish! That’s not how it works. Life handed me some sour lemons but using them to make lemonade is going to help my heart thrive long term. If I am not 100% happy and secure in myself how am I going to be able to be there for someone else? That was that. I became my own self-love club.   I am young and there is no rush. I have too many adventures to be had and too many people to meet. I have chosen to grow as my own person first, and the harvest has been bountiful. So please, stop telling me there is other fish in the sea.  Xx


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