my fatal flaw

Life is full of challenges. They’re stepping-stones to a bigger picture. Small snapshots of each day that define and make up who we are. Each of these challenges are faced and resolved with an internal compass – the way we’ve solved these problems before or by learning from our previous mistakes. It’s all apart of the journey as humans evolve.

For me – I stress over the unknown. I stress over change. I stress over situations that can’t be resolved right away. Not knowing how something is going to play out – eats me alive. It always has and I do not want to say that it always will.

Ever since I was little, the thought of change horrified me. Especially change that was permanent and could not be undone – maybe that’s where my fear of tattoos stems from?

Anyways, this entire journey of me moving to England has been great. My heart has been at peace and I knew that this is where I needed to be. I felt comfort the entire time. As I stepped in and found my routine, my old habits came back to bite me. That’s why I write this to you my secretlifeofs.com readers – I need to put this to an end.

I was in Paris a few weekends ago. It was such a beautiful place with lots and lots of historical landmarks to see. Yet – the entire trip I was in this place of worry that kept me up at night. I was worried I would miss my 9am ticket for the Louvre and then worried I would miss flights or get lost. It put this internal damper on my entire trip.

My Uni here has a lot of assignments that are group work based – I struggle with working in groups, badly. I had a group assignment that was prepared the day of. I have a personality that likes to be prepared and know that everything is prepared ahead of time. I have little flexibility to my persona at times. The presentation went well and the leader was happy with it! But something about me felt uneasy – because I get so damn caught up.

I need to learn to stop and relax – to take a moment and realize that things in life usually always work out. Even when they don’t, it works towards a greater lesson or something bigger than imagined. By allowing myself to become flexible would alleviate this tension that I have built. I just need to relax.

I’m writing to you in this blog to internally process this problem of my own. To reflect and decide how I am going to solve it. Throughout the next little while, I’m going to focus on relaxing and becoming flexible at a moments notice. It does not make sense to worrying over events that have not happened yet – it only takes away from the fun of it all.

This is just me; this is what I have to work on. It’s a process. I am a process.

S x

2 Replies to “my fatal flaw”

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